in jerk mode

I find it mind boggling how i can't seem to explain myself. How i'm feeling, what i'm really going through or how to ask for something serious. I just can't do it. Words don't form in my mouth like other's. I sit there and sift the words through so many different strainers to make sure nothing is being said that should be said, that could offend or hurt that person in any way. I often hate this thing. I always saw it as a curse. Someone told me it wasn't... guess it goes both ways if you really take a look at it.
Another thing i can't do is take compliments. Now, don't get me wrong, i'm not the kind of person that gets compliments every five seconds( who does?), but when i do recieve them, i just look at them like their crazy, laugh it off and say thanks while having the question why come out through my tone. This is important to know about me I suppose becasue if I ever gave that sort of response to someone i didn't know... which happens, i'm sure i'd be written off as some kind of jerk.
I'm not a jerk. Not all the time. I do feel as though i'm a huge jerk when someone thinks i'm interested in them though. Or if you just happen to see me in the street and hit on me... yeah, i'll be a jerk. Don't assume i take being hit on a compliment, and don't think i like you if i've already said i don't.... more than twice. Not how the world works. < See... there it goes again; Jerk mode.

So to those who do give compliments. I thank you. I appriciate them, i really do. Just don't know what to do with them when i recieve them. Maybe one day I will.
To my friends who actually take the time to read these. I know you care. I thank you for being a part of my life. It is without you that i would not be who I am. God bless you and the places you'll serve.